Halloween. It's yet another one of those things that I'm nuts about and that most of my family doesn't care for. Even those who do like dressing up or partaking in the festivities aren't as involved as I am. For example, when my younger sister expresses interest in putting together a Halloween costume, she isn't as interested as I in making sure everything is present and sometimes doing clever and unusual things to make sure the costume is exactly as desired. She also doesn't care as much as I do if the costume doesn't get finished. For me, being unable to finish and wear a Halloween costume would be a crushing loss, something that would put a tremendous damper on my favorite time of the year. For her, it would just be a bit of fun she wasn't able to have, and that would be it.
Sometimes, I forget that she's not as invested in Halloween as I am. I had this fact very clearly brought to mind about a week ago, when she was telling me about how she wanted to dress up as Ariel (from The Little Mermaid) and, as she Googled pictures of Ariel costumes and cosplays, I advised her on what she could do and how. I even offered to buy things for the costume and eagerly volunteered to let her borrow any garments or objects I owned if they would help her with her costume. (Note: this was a patently absurd offer, because there is absolutely nothing I would conceivably have that would even remotely fit in with a Little Mermaid costume.)
I kept making suggestions as to how I could help her with this costume, as I got more and more enthusiastic, she turned to me and said, "You know, you don't have to get so excited about this. It's not that big of a deal."
It took me a few moments to get my mind in such a place so that I could even conceive of Halloween not being "that big of a deal". It took me a few moments more to realize that the concept of Halloween not being "that big of a deal" could apply to my current reality.
"No, really," my sister went on. "And you don't need to do all this stuff for me."
"Oh. Oh, alright," I said.
"Why does this matter so much to you, anyway?"
"I guess I'd just really like to see you achieve this goal and have a nice costume. 'Cause, you know, family members want to see each other have a good time and succeed."
"Having this costume isn't 'succeeding'."
"I guess it is to me."
She didn't get it, but then again, she doesn't get a lot of things where they concern me. We continued our image search, admiring good costumes, deprecating bad ones, and expressing puzzlement over pictures of things like women with babies and men wearing costumes of Mario the plumber (things neither my sister nor I thought were very logical results for "ariel blue dress").
"You know," I said after a while, "I think I know why I'm so interested in you getting this costume together."
"Yeah?"
"It's because I know this isn't the case for you, but I like Halloween a lot, and it's kind of important to me. And the costume is important, too, and I know you're not as big on Halloween as I am, but I guess people like to see people - especially their family - succeed at things they think are important. And I know it's not important to you - it's not really important - but I guess, since it's a big deal to you, I want you to be able to do it."
"Well, thank you, then," she said. "That's very nice of you."
"And you've explained directly that it's not that important to you," I went on.
"Though it'd be nice."
"Yeah. But I'll try to keep in mind the fact that it's not that important to you, and I won't force my enthusiasm on you. Because, you know, that's just not what you do."
I kept making suggestions as to how I could help her with this costume, as I got more and more enthusiastic, she turned to me and said, "You know, you don't have to get so excited about this. It's not that big of a deal."
It took me a few moments to get my mind in such a place so that I could even conceive of Halloween not being "that big of a deal". It took me a few moments more to realize that the concept of Halloween not being "that big of a deal" could apply to my current reality.
"No, really," my sister went on. "And you don't need to do all this stuff for me."
"Oh. Oh, alright," I said.
"Why does this matter so much to you, anyway?"
"I guess I'd just really like to see you achieve this goal and have a nice costume. 'Cause, you know, family members want to see each other have a good time and succeed."
"Having this costume isn't 'succeeding'."
"I guess it is to me."
She didn't get it, but then again, she doesn't get a lot of things where they concern me. We continued our image search, admiring good costumes, deprecating bad ones, and expressing puzzlement over pictures of things like women with babies and men wearing costumes of Mario the plumber (things neither my sister nor I thought were very logical results for "ariel blue dress").
"You know," I said after a while, "I think I know why I'm so interested in you getting this costume together."
"Yeah?"
"It's because I know this isn't the case for you, but I like Halloween a lot, and it's kind of important to me. And the costume is important, too, and I know you're not as big on Halloween as I am, but I guess people like to see people - especially their family - succeed at things they think are important. And I know it's not important to you - it's not really important - but I guess, since it's a big deal to you, I want you to be able to do it."
"Well, thank you, then," she said. "That's very nice of you."
"And you've explained directly that it's not that important to you," I went on.
"Though it'd be nice."
"Yeah. But I'll try to keep in mind the fact that it's not that important to you, and I won't force my enthusiasm on you. Because, you know, that's just not what you do."
"Yeah."
In that moment, I got an insight into the minds of mothers who force their daughters to take dancing lessons because that's what they liked doing when they were young or fathers who make their sons play the sports they were never able to play in their youth or parents who force their children to go to whatever schools they deem "good". It's mostly well-intentioned, hopefully, but it exists because of a misunderstanding on the parts of those who force others to do things based on other senses of what's important.
In that moment, I got an insight into the minds of mothers who force their daughters to take dancing lessons because that's what they liked doing when they were young or fathers who make their sons play the sports they were never able to play in their youth or parents who force their children to go to whatever schools they deem "good". It's mostly well-intentioned, hopefully, but it exists because of a misunderstanding on the parts of those who force others to do things based on other senses of what's important.
Then again, I don't think there's anything wrong in being inordinately pleased over some little pursuit on the part of your loved ones, even if they don't think it's such a big deal. It gives them a little personal pleasure and it gives you a lot of vicarious pride.
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