There are extremely self-centered and unhealthy things about my relationships and how I see the people around me. The qualities for which I appreciate my friends tends to be about how they interact with me (that is, qualities/behaviors that are actually good but that would not exist without me, because they regard the person in regards to me). I base many of my relationships off of things that are not mutual respect, concern, and intimacy; rather, I gravitate towards attachment and fascination in my forming relationships, like people are objects I'm familiar with or that interest me.
And yet last night, I was explaining to a friend that I "put up with her" because I'm familiar with her and I can interact with her well and not necessarily because I think she's a good person, and she was genuinely happy to hear that. And today, I was telling another friend that I appreciated how he understood me (and only specifically me), and it relieved his self-loathing.
I'm convinced I exist in this sort of bubble that makes its own little alternative universe where horribly unhealthy things can actually be very healthy and functional, and anyone who's in any sort of relationship with me is assimilated (at least in their interactions with me) into this bubble and all the things that are wrong with how I act and see people are actually completely okay.
Either that or maybe I attract people whose tendencies and perceptions are equally unhealthy.
It could be both.
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