It's so far been a week into the new year of 2014. It is too early for me to tell how this year will go, but if what's happened so far is any indicator, it looks like it's going to go much as previous years have gone, but more so, and with the good, the bad, and the unusual spread out pretty much evenly.
It could be me reacting to a fairly unusual set of circumstances that I don't wish to get into, but I feel as though, this year, my personality's going to undergo a relative reset in which I become someone else. Well, not really someone else. Because I'm still me. Because everyone becomes someone else at some point in their life. Actually, at a lot of points in their life. That's what happens. But I feel as though a particular becoming-someone-new is going on now.
Sometimes my memories as well as my personality undergo a reset, and I forget certain things. Or, rather, it's not that I forget certain things as it is the knowledge and understanding of certain things just aren't accessible to me for a while. It's like someone's hidden several pairs of socks I'd forgotten I had and I don't realize it until I go to my sock drawer, realize something's a bit off, and realize what's missing, and I go on like that for a while until I find the socks where I least expect them, like under my bathroom sink or in the dishwasher or in another sock drawer. Particular memories that have been taken away from me like socks from my sock drawer include memories of what my personality was really like before around the last week of December. I think this is for the better, though, because it lets me examine the me of 2014 with a bit more objectivity.
It's a constant habit of mine to compare things. I think it keeps me from enjoying things for what they are because I continually compare them to things they are not. While I remember things about myself from before - I know my name, I know my age, who my family is, what year of college I'm in, what my major is, my interests and hobbies and life plans - I don't remember the things that made up the person I am.
I won't bother trying to bring back to the surface the person I was. If I did, I'd probably just compare new me to old me. I don't want to do that. I want to see who I am now for who I am now, not in regards to who I was once. I want to see new me for new me.
New me is a writer.
New me is a student.
New me is an English major and plans to become an English teacher for high school students.
New me wants to be able to make a living off of writing before this plan can happen and thus before being locked into a non-writerly life. New me also knows this is very unrealistic.
New me is a Christian.
New me likes making jokes and having fun at other people's expense.
New me would stop it in an instant if the person at whose expense the fun was had wanted it to stop. New me would not antagonize this person again.
New me likes doing strange things for their own sake, such as dressing up in a bathrobe and not taking it off until noon, or drinking soda out of a wineglass.
New me likes Monty Python.
New me likes The Hunger Games.
New me likes They Might Be Giants.
New me likes making cookies for fictional characters' birthdays.
New me doesn't always make sense. New me does this on purpose as a means of distraction from taking everything too seriously and thus overthinking things to death and sucking the joy out of life.
New me remembers that old me used to overthink things because they wanted to understand everything fully and make logical sense out of absolutely everything. New me also remembers that, when old me did that, it usually didn't end well because old me saw how horrible many things are.
New me knows there's a difference between ignorance for the sake of self-preservation and ignorance that's just plain ignorance.
New me describes a lot of things as "self-preservation".
New me remembers things.
New me is a narcissist.
New me requires the approval and (positive) attention of others. This is because new me is almost entirely incapable of holding a self-opinion without other people being able to confirm it.
New me is almost but not entirely incapable of holding a self-opinion without other people being able to confirm it.
New me loves animals, especially dogs.
New me will take any opportunity to pet someone's dog.
New me is diligent.
New me generally has things under control.
New me always does what needs to be done, even if it takes a while. Unlike old me, new me doesn't have to do things right away to ensure they'll get done at all.
New me gets overly emotional when writing. It's because of the characters. New me gets emotional about the characters.
New me tends to handle these situations by texting friends whilst writing, telling them about the characters and their problems, and sitting back and laughing when said friends get emotional over the characters.
New me writes because new me likes watching people suffer. This is in reference to the fictional people in the stories and the real people who read and are emotionally affected by said stories.
New me is good at handling family.
New me is able to shed tears, sometimes. New me also knows when and when not to let others see those tears.
New me has problems with empathy, interpersonal relationships, and being emotionally sincere with others.
New me still tries.
New me is good at accidentally understanding others.
New me is insightful and good at saying true things.
New me can answer the question, "Who are you?"
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