Not calling myself stupid, writing over the summer, and labels.

At first I thought my inability to finish pieces of writing that I start was just stupid. Now I realize that it's actually irresponsible. I do not need to apply another negative adjective to myself. I have been applying negative adjectives to myself.

I may actually be writing All the Madmen over the summer. Now that I've been at an emotional low for a while - by which I mean that my emotional capacities are low, not that I'm feeling down - I think I can effectively write it. Also, I really love some of the characters in that story, and I can describe why they are like me and why they are stupid. This is a good thing. I can't write about a character until I am capable of making fun of them. Or at least I shouldn't write about a character until I am capable of making fun of them.

I know that nobody ever comments on these blog posts, but if anyone is reading them, I have some questions. I have had some conversations with people in which I was using various "labels" (relatively rigid descriptions or terms that are correct when applied to some people and can be extremely helpful when discussing general patterns in human behavior and traits but also come with a series of further assumptions and exclude some possibilities of other traits co-existing). Some of the things I was describing were sexual/romantic orientation (specifically "asexual" and "aromantic"), mental disorders or situations, and personality types. All of these constitute as labels in some way, and some of them could be considered rigid, but they may also be necessary in understanding people.

So if anyone is actually reading this, what do you think? Does it help to describe people in these ways? (Especially with personality types; I'm honestly not sure if it's a case of removing people's individuality or a helpful tool for understanding individuals.) Does it just put people in rigid little boxes? Should people be given such a label if they don't want it? Is it ever necessary? Help me out, guys. Some of this comes up in All the Madmen, actually, and if I don't have a position on the matter while I'm writing this (which I probably won't), I'm just going to express a bunch of conflicting views in a way that makes sense (which is probably the best).

May 3 - Finishing, uncertainty as to what to write, and total lack of focus.

I am very nearly done with writing The Week of Dreams. As in, I have maybe three or four more pages to write. And maybe not even that. It's been a strange month writing it. It took me a year to write a novella in 2011. I'm making up for it by writing another in a month.

I don't really know what I'm going to write after this. I know I said I'd write All the Madmen, and I also know I have to write part of a novella that I'm giving the working title of The Good Doctors. (The "Good Doctors" are a type of magical person in the story. Basically magical healers who are written as a good counterpart to vampires. Though it doesn't read like vampires at all.) I'm doing that as part of a creative project for an assignment. (Basically do something creative based on Gothic literature. A good counterpart to vampires, most of the scenes take place in a creepy house at night with moonlight and Gothic-y sorts of things, a semi-reference to The Fall of the House of Usher...you get the picture.)

I'll try to write All the Madmen. I may have trouble because it's "too close to home", in a sense (everything that happens in it is based on something that has happened to me or that I predict could happen to me). Some of the bad things are happening (or re-happening) to me over the summer. Furthermore, I've grown in a very short period of time to associate it with someone I know (even though I've associated it with other people and I've had the story around much longer than I've known this person). I'm going to lose that person before the summer begins (probably won't see her again), and I don't know how it'll feel for me when I write it. (And, knowing me, I'll probably dedicate it to her. Why am I always dedicating things to people who I'll probably never see again?)

I don't know what I'm trying to say with this. I have other things that I intend to say (largely playing off of why I don't know what to write), but I'm going to save them for later. For now, I'm just going to say that I'll write something. I'm unfocused today. I won't say any more.

April 29 - Not writers' block, detectives' block, and magical dystopia realism.

I'm taking a relatively small break in writing The Week of Dreams, and I promise this isn't anything resembling a cop-out or an attack of writers' block, because I believe in neither cop-outs nor writers' block. Writers' block is a cop-out sort of way of saying, "I don't particularly want to work on this because I'm not stretching my mind far enough." I don't experience writers' block, I experience not knowing what exactly to do next. It's like building a house or something; you've run out of bricks and you can't find the right kind of bricks anymore, so you're just staring at the unfinished house and maybe your tools, and you're trying to figure out what else you can use instead of bricks. I'm sure things like that happens, but I have never once encountered the term "builder's block". Perhaps all professions could be said to have some kind of "block". Let's say there is "dentists' block", "lawyers' block", "detectives' block".

Actually, detectives' block makes complete sense and sounds much like what I'm experiencing (and I don't say this just because I've been watching Sherlock lately and thus entertaining such thoughts). I've got these ideas and information, and I'm trying to piece them together in such a way so that they make as much sense as they can, but I don't have all of it yet, or I can't figure out how to make some parts connect, so I leave it alone and go do something completely different, like make scarves or draw cheetahs or catch turtles (actually, no, I don't catch turtles). And I try to make it make sense in my mind. So yeah. Detectives' block. That's what I have. If anybody asks me why I'm not making 1,000 words anymore is about, I'll say, "Oh, I have detectives' block," and leave it at that. Because people know me, they will not think it's incredibly strange, or they do, they will know not to question it.

That said, I do know what I'm writing over the summer. It's a project I've had in mind for, what, three years that I have not yet done justice to. I'm calling it All the Madmen right now (like the David Bowie song, but this is really probably subject to change). Those of you who know me know all too well what it's about. Those of you who don't...well, I have no idea why you're following this blog, but it's about a semi-dystopian future and the story of one person who lives in it, although it's more just a "life story" kind of thing (not as dumb as that sounds) instead of a political dystopia kind of whatever. The magical realism version of dystopias - the dystopia is just there, it's not what the story's about. Magical dystopia realism. That must be it.

So apparently I've coined the terms "detectives' block" and "magical dystopia realism". Someday, I must use them both in the same sentence. "So, why haven't you been writing, Jude? Any good reason for that?" "Yes. I've had detectives' block with my magical dystopian realism." And I will leave, and the other person will have no further explanation of that. And I'll go stare at bricks or run around trees or catch turtles or something. Yes.